The Ghillie Suit Affair
Every now and again I like to go out on my own in my ghillie suit. My wife thinks I’m mad, but she doesn’t understand the art of seeing, without being seen, it’s an amazing feeling.
‘Whatever floats your boat, you’re an unsocial bastard anyway’, she says. I said, ‘No, I just hate civvies.’ Believe it or not it’s quite common, there are many of us ghillies, you just don’t see us.
My favourite trick is going downtown to my local pub to meet up with my best mate Bobby. Bobby is blind, so he hasn’t got a clue when I’m donned up in my Ghillie suit.
He always buys the first pint; we sit in the corner quietly sipping our beers.
You should see the looks and comments he gets. ‘There’s lonely old Bobby in the corner, drinking and chatting away with his imaginary friend again, the silly old bastard.’
One night everything changed when my old Veteran mate, Andy, walked in the pub and spotted me straight away, ‘What are you doing here, Wardi, the missus let you out to play again? By the way, that ghillie suit is f**king shocking.’ says Andy. ‘No, it isn't, I know my ghillie suit works, the number of times people have accidently nearly run me over in their cars,’ I said. ‘Have you ever thought it might be because they think you’re a twat and anyway those shocking orange trainers you’re wearing are a giveaway.’ I looked down at my trainers. ‘Oh sh*t, you’re right, you got lucky Andy.
‘I've never heard so much bullshit in my life, everybody in this pub can see you, even blind Bobby, that’s how shite it is!! A full ghillie suit might have been in vogue on the streets of Stalingrad in 1942, but not for rocking up into the TOWN CENTRE for f**ks sake, better stick to air-guns Sherlock Holmes.’ Andy was right. That was the day I stopped wearing it, but it does come in handy on Halloween nights, when I turn up as the bog monster.
BULLIES AND BULLSHIT 2 a book by Clive Ward
The above article as now been converted into an hilarious two-page cartoon strip called ‘WHERE’S GHILLIE’ If you haven’t seen it, check it out in ENDEX COMIC 2
ENDEX COMIC 1 2 AND 3 on sale now in our shop endexcomic.com