GRUMPY OLD VETERAN - Tales From The Armchair

When the local kids call you an old b**tard and you reply "I'm not a b**tard. I'm THE bastard and it’s Mister B**tard to you."
When the doctor tells you, you have Alzheimer’s, but don’t worry, just to go home and forget about it.
They say a man enters middle age when he stops going down the stairs two steps at a time and enters old age when he stops going up the stairs two at a time. Wonderful! I run up the stairs and slide down the banister with no hands. However, it does have its drawbacks, now I must lay stillfor seven hours with a broken pelvis and then wait hours for an Ambulance to arrive to cart me off to hospital, then lay waiting to be seen along with all the other banister sliders!!! It’s a bit like the evacuation of Dunkirk.
GOD: ‘Ah, just the man. Where the f**k, have you been? I need you to do a job for me. I needyou to man the barrier until the next one arrives, stag on.’
Until that day comes, I’ll remain nostalgic about the great times we had when we served. I knowthere were bad times, but I prefer simply to forget about them, apart from the buddies I lost, they’ll never be forgotten. Lest we forget.
First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Next, you forget to pull your flies up and finally, you forget to pull it down. 
Getting old is a bitch, but I'm not keen on the alternative.