BBQ - Veterans vs Civvies

I often invite a few Civvies to my BBQ’s. It’s a way of getting a few free bottles of wine and even some free steak. Civvies will always knock on your door with their gifts out of politeness. ‘Glad you could come… Come in buddy, thanks for the freebies you shouldn’t have, oh you better get out there and get some of that scoff down your necks before my veteran mates arrive, they’ll be here in a minute.’ 

Seconds later they would arrive, the usual five minutes early with their crates of beer and half a fucking cow. Veterans don’t knock they just walk in, it’s an open house, especially the bean stealing ex-PADS and their brats. And before I could say ‘ONE FUCKING SAUSAGE’ the whole BBQ would be gone, apart from the odd veggie burger for the Civvies to fight over. Then Mum and Dad would arrive, the Civvies call your parents Mister and Missus. My veteran mates call my parents mum and dad.

When the night wears on and your Civvy friends start telling you that you’ve had enough and try and take your drink away, there’s always one of your veteran mates who butts in and says, stumbling all over the place. ‘Leave him alone, eh you better drink the rest of that, you fucking light weight!!’

As a rule of thumb, you can always tell whether your veteran mates have been in your house by looking for the obvious signs.

Your Civvy friends are long gone, apart from the odd one who’s fallen asleep bless him and is now the target of the phantom eyebrow and moustache shaver. That’ll teach him not to fall asleep! The drinking carries on until stand to when the sun is coming up. You’re still laid out on your patio and your veteran friends will say; 

‘That was the bollocks mate! One hell of a weekend party. What day is it?’ 

‘Thursday!... And I think it’s time you lot pissed off’ says the Missus, who’s just got out of her pit.

Loads more stories like this and cartoons in ENDEXCOMIC 1 - 3

Start ordering now @ endexcomic.com